At the end of myself…at the feet of Jesus

Confronting domestic violence with the love of Christ


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Stop Bullying Yourself

Whether your abuser used words or fists, you’ve been beaten down and wounded. Day after day, your abuser attacked you with lies. Night after night, you’ve suffered through his violence and venom. You’ve lived in craziness. You’ve been misled, mistreated and manipulated. You’ve been beaten down long enough. You’ve believed his lies long enough. It’s time to give yourself a dose of truth. It’s time to stop bullying yourself.

I’m not suggesting that you give yourself positive affirmations. Trying to encourage yourself from the depths of your brokenness isn’t going to do all that much good. What you need to do is this: Stop calling yourself by the same evil words you abuser called you by. Whether he cursed you, told you that you were inferior, made fun of you or called you names, don’t ever go there again.

When you “hear” the words playing around in your mind, fill your mind with God’s Word instead. Your enemy called you evil names or said cruel things about you. God calls you His child, His daughter, loved, saved, justified. It is what the Lord has to say about you that matters. Fill your mind with His truth.

Phillipians 4: 8, Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

                                   


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Sanctuary for the Abused: Protecting Yourself and Escaping from Abuse

Getting out of an abusive or violent relationship isn’t easy. Maybe you’re still hoping that things will change or you’re afraid of what your partner will do if he discovers you’re trying to leave. Whatever your reasons, you probably feel trapped and helpless.

But help is available. There are many resources available for abused and battered women, including crisis hotlines, shelters—even job training, legal services, and childcare. You deserve to live free of fear. Start by reaching out.

Why doesn’t she just leave?

It’s the question many people ask when they learn that a woman is being battered and abused. But if you are in an abusive relationship, you know that it’s not that simple. Ending an important relationship is never easy. It’s even harder when you’ve been isolated from your family and friends, psychologically beaten down, financially controlled, and physically threatened.

If you’re trying to decide whether to stay or leave, you may be feeling confused, uncertain, frightened, and torn. One moment, you may desperately want to get away, and the next, you may want to hang on to the relationship. Maybe you even blame yourself for the abuse or feel weak and embarrassed because you’ve stuck around in spite of it.

Don’t be trapped by confusion, guilt, or self-blame. The only thing that matters is your safety. If you are being abused, remember: You are not to blame for being battered or mistreated. You are not the cause of your partner’s abusive behavior. You deserve to be treated with respect. You deserve a safe and happy life. Your children deserve a safe and happy life. You are not alone. There are people waiting to help.

Making the decision to leave

As you face the decision to either end the abusive relationship or try to save it, keep the following things in mind: If you’re hoping your abusive partner will change… The abuse will probably happen again. Abusers have deep emotional and psychological problems. While change is not impossible, it isn’t quick or easy. And change can only happen once your abuser takes full responsibility for his behavior, seeks professional treatment, and stops blaming you, his unhappy childhood, stress, work, his drinking, or his temper.

To read in full, please go to Sanctuary for the Abused: Protecting Yourself and Escaping from Abuse.


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A Vision of Abuse Victims

Originally posted on The Abuse Expose' with Secret Angel:

I had a vision tonight…
that I really want to share.
A vision of abuse victims…
coming out from everywhere.
Victims of all ages…
hiding behind boxes in the dark.
Then stepping forward in boldness…
to speak out and make a mark.
For these victims of abuse…
from the youngest to the oldest one.
All lived a life in secret…
hiding since the abuse had begun.

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The Children of a Narcissist

annagracewood:

The children of a narcissist,
have been hurt in so many ways.
They have watched years of abuse…
and suffered from it many days.
Many broken promises…

Originally posted on The Abuse Expose' with Secret Angel:

The children of a narcissist,
have been hurt in so many ways.
They have watched years of abuse…
and suffered from it many days.
Many broken promises…
abusive words and acts galore.
Cause wounds to these children…
with a cycle of abuse in store.

View original 58 more words


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“When Paul says that a husband must embrace self-sacrifice for the sake of his wife’s well-being, this of course includes her physical safety. But the main threat against which a man must protect his wife is his own sin. A friend once expressed his awakening to this truth in these words: “I used to think that if a man came into my house to attack my wife, I would certainly stand up to him. But then I came to realize that the man who enters my house and assaults my wife every day is me, through my anger, my harsh words, my complaints, and my indifference. As a Christian, I came to realize that the man I needed to kill in order to protect my wife is myself as a sinner.” ~ Richard D. Phillips, The Masculine Mandate: God’s Calling to Men (p. 87)


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“Gentlemen, nothing in God’s word says you are to degrade your wife, to belittle or to force her into submission to your ideas or opinions. You are to lead by presenting a godly example. Yes, you are to make decisions and they should never demean your wife. If you do you sin against her and also against God. You should never make her the blunt of jokes and always show her a proper and gentlemanly respect. A man who does put his wife down degrades himself. It shows he has no real understanding of the roles of marriage. If he does not respect his wife he will not respect other also. The result will be that he will be a poor husband and leader.” ~Cooper Abrams


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Domestic Abuse: Definition, Signs and the Cycle of Abuse

Domestic abuse: an ugly name for an uglier reality. Domestic abuse is about control. It is the using of fear, force and/or coercion in order to gain control over another person.

The woman (or, at times, the man) who is being abused, whether physically, emotionally, verbally, sexually, financially or through isolation, often isn’t aware that they are being abused. Sometimes it’s up to those who care about them to see the signs and alert them to their situation. The “fog” that accompanies abuse is a very real one and one that often isn’t easy to escape. The abuser has spent a great deal of time “defining reality” for the abused so that the abused sees themselves and the abuser the way the abuser wants them to see things and not as they really are.

Statistics show that one out of every four women experiences domestic abuse at some point in her life (CDC). 85% of all domestic abuse is towards women; men make up the remaining 15%. According to research, 50% of men who abuse their wives also abuse their children.

Domestic abuse takes many faces: verbal abuse, emotional abuse, financial abuse, sexual abuse, physical abuse, stalking, isolation and digital abuse. All forms of abuse are destructive. Just because there aren’t outward bruises doesn’t mean that there aren’t inward ones. If you are being constantly degraded, yelled at and/or controlled, you are being abused.

The most important thing to look for when deciding if you are a victim of abuse is this: Are you afraid of your partner? Do you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around him? If you have to constantly watch yourself around your husband in order to keep him from getting angry, if you are fearful of “setting him off” or of him “blowing up”, chances are very, very great that you are in an unhealthy or even dangerous relationship.

Other signs to look for are these:

  • your partner belittles you, your likes, your ideas
  • you are controlled by your partner: your time, your body, your thoughts are not your own
  • you often feel that you cannot please your partner or that you cannot do anything right
  • you feel scared, helpless, numb
  • you believe that you deserve to be hurt
  • you wonder if you are crazy

Signs to look for in your partner:

  • he humiliates you
  • he calls you names
  • he has a bad or unpredictable temper
  • he blames you for his abuse of you
  • he hits you
  • he yells at you
  • he gives you the silent treatment
  • he treats you like a slave or says you are his slave
  • he treats you like a sex object
  • he says you have no rights
  • he says you need to be punished for being a woman
  • he is possessive or excessively jealous of you
  • he prevents you from seeing your family or friends
  • he constantly checks up on you
  • he prevents you from leaving the house alone
  • he controls all of the money
  • he prevents you from having proper health care
  • he rapes you
  • he punishes you
  • he threatens to put you in a corner, lock you in a room or actually does so
  • he threatens to harm you or your children if you tell or if you leave
  • he threatens to kill himself if you leave him
  • he throws things, breaks things, punches holes in walls
  • he hurts your pets
  • he prevents you from using the phone or the computer (to prevent you from getting help)
  • he forces you to perform degrading sexual acts
  • he demands you give up your rights
  • he demands that you change who you are in order to please him

The Abuse Cycle

  1. Abuse: Your partner abuses you (any type of abuse).
  2. Guilt: Your partner begins to feel some degree of guilt, not over abusing you but over what it might cost him (the fear of getting caught, etc.).
  3. Excuses: Your partner blames you for ‘making’ him abuse you.
  4. Honeymoon: Things are good for a while causing you to believe he may have changed.
  5. Planning: Your partner remembers how good it felt to be in control by abusing you and starts planning how to do it again.
  6. Set-up: Your partner sets you up in some way so that he can justify abusing you.
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