Faithful Is He Who Has Promised by Annie Johnson Flint

Are you passing through a testing.
Is your pillow wet with tears?
Do you wonder what the reason,
Why it seems God never hears?
Why it is you have no answer
To your oft, repeated plea,
Why the heaven still is leaden
As you wait on bended knee?

Do you wonder as you suffer,
Whether God does understand,
And if so, why He ignores you,
Fails to hold you in His Hand?
Do black doubts creep in, assail you,
Fears without–and fears within,
Till your brave heart almost falters
And gives way to deadly sin?

All God’s testings have a purpose,
Someday you will see the light.
All He asks is that you trust Him,
Walk by faith and not by sight.
Do not fear when doubts beset you,
Just remember – He is near;
He will never, never leave you,
He will always, always hear.

Faithful is He who has promised,
He will never let you fall,
Daily will the strength be given
Strength for each and strength for all.
He will gladly share pain with you,
He will gladly give you peace.
Till your tired and weary body
Finds its blessed, glad release.

When the darkened veil is lifted,
Then, dear heart, you’ll understand
Why it is you had to suffer,
Why you could not feel His hand
Giving strength when it was needed,
Giving power and peace within
Giving joy thru tears and trial,
Giving victory over sin.
So till then just keep on trusting,
Thru the sunshine and the rain.

 

On Happiness In Marriage By James Smith

“She is free to marry anyone she wishes—but he must belong to the Lord.” 1 Corinthians 7:39

Young friends, do you profess Christ? If so, take care what marital connections you form. Never consent to marry any one in opposition to the plain precepts of God’s holy Word. Remember it was mixed marriages between saints and sinners–which brought on the deluge! It was mixed marriages that brought the Jews into such distress after their return from the Babylonish captivity. It was such a marriage that brought all the troubles of Samson upon him; and it was marrying with unconverted women that led away Solomon’s heart from God. The strongest and wisest of men were thus overcome, and therefore you should be on your guard.

Think of its effects on your own spirituality—of the consequence to your children—of the bad impression it makes on the world—and the mischief it introduces into the church. It is one of Satan’s chief snares—one of his most powerful engines; therefore beware of it!

Settle it in your minds; determine, in God’s strength, that, yield to what you may, you never will yield to this temptation—to be unequally yoked with an unbeliever. A man must be intimately acquainted with the entire history of God’s church from the beginning, and then he would require the arm of an angel, and the intellect of an archangel—to write down all the mischief, misery, and sin, that has resulted from the mixed marriage of believers and unbelievers! If such a volume were written, it would take more than a lifetime to read it. But it is written, it will be read; for when time with us shall be no more—when it is too late to correct the wrong or make amends for our mistakes—we shall see, in the clearest light, what have been the fearful consequences of such unhallowed connections.

If any of my readers have fallen into the snare, confess your sin before God, walk softly before Him, accept the punishment of your iniquity, and try to warn and deter others from falling into such a fatal snare! Many such marriages have I seen in the past fifty years—but never did I see one that turned out to be happy, holy, or for the real benefit of the parties. But I have heard the confession of the broken heart, I have seen the scalding tears flowing from the weeping eye, and I have marked the dismal effects of such disobedience to the Divine oracles, in a variety of ways.

You may fancy you are about to pluck a rose—but there is a scorpion under its leaves! You may think you are about to drink of a cup of nectar—but there is poison in the cup! You may foolishly conclude that your case will be an exception to the general rule—but it is not. God is true; his Word must be fulfilled; and every age has borne its testimony to the fact that “the way of transgressors is hard.” It is hard—but who shall say how hard, since the bitterest sorrows, the sharpest pains, the most acute sufferings, and the most agonizing remorse, have been endured in secret!

 

 

 

Domestic Violence within the Church – Chuck Colson

Miriam—not her real name—is a faithful Christian. But her pastor wonders why he hasn’t seen her at church lately. The ugly truth is that Miriam is a victim of spousal abuse.

As Denise George writes in her book, What Women Wish Pastors Knew, Miriam’s husband “controls her every move through intimidating manipulation. He holds tight the financial purse strings, and often threatens her with divorce. . . . He keeps her isolated from friends and family . . . monitors her phone calls, and usually keeps her from attending church worship and other church activities.”

Miriam’s husband tells her she is stupid and worthless, and accuses her of cheating on him. Miriam has become “so beaten down emotionally” that she “endures his profanity and demeaning insults.”

Shocking as it may seem, domestic abuse is about as common in Christian homes as it is anywhere else. But too often, churches ignore the problem. Most pastors haven’t been trained to deal with it and have no idea how to help or protect abused women—especially when the husband appears outwardly charming, easy-going, and pious.

Authorities on domestic abuse define abuse as “a pattern of coercive control directed toward the victim.” It may involve anything from verbal abuse and threats, to hitting, kicking, and choking. It might involve cutting off access to food, stalking, and sexual coercion. Abused women live in constant fear, and they are often too ashamed to tell anyone about it.

But in recent years, religious groups have begun speaking out on their behalf. For instance, an online group called RAVE (Religion and Violence E-learning) spent 15 years gathering statistics from some 500 religious leaders about domestic abuse. Among their findings: Pastors believe that one in five couples in their congregation has a violent relationship. Eighty-three percent say they have counseled at least one abused woman.

And yet most pastors have never preached a sermon condemning domestic violence. Most have little or no contact with local shelters and those who run them.

The women who sit in our pews deserve better. Pastors must learn how to help victims and hold abusive husbands accountable. And because the safety of abused spouses is an immediate priority, they ought to learn the locations of the nearest shelters and, better still, organize their own programs and shelters.

An expert on domestic abuse in Christian homes, Catherine Clark Kroeger, adjunct associate professor at Gordon Conwell Theological Seminary, explains why. It’s because churches can achieve “a rate of success far beyond that of their secular counterparts.”

Kroeger defines success as “no more battering. No more arrests for assault and battery.” And many couples have found, through Christian resources, that their marriages can be saved as men “come to love and cherish their wives.”

Does your church offer a biblical perspective on domestic violence? If you’ve never heard a sermon on the subject, bring it up with your pastor. Visit our website, BreakPoint.org, for Christian resources on domestic abuse.

The Bible tells us to rescue the oppressed, the needy, and the downtrodden—to do justice and righteousness to those who suffer. We disobey God when we ignore the women in our own ranks, many of whom suffer alone.

http://www.crosswalk.com/news/commentary/11602567/

 

 

God’s Anvil

When God wants to drill a man
And thrill a man
And skill a man
When God wants to mold a man
To play the noblest part

When He yearns with all His heart
To create so great and bold a man
That all the world shall be amazed,
Watch His methods, watch His ways!

How He ruthlessly perfects
Whom He royally elects!
How He hammers him and hurts him
And with mighty blows converts him
Into shapes and forms of clay
Which only God can understand.

How He bends but never breaks
When his good He undertakes
How He uses whom He chooses
And with mighty power infuses him
With every act induces him
To try His splendor out –
God knows what He’s about.

~Poet Unknown

 

 

The Most Important Thing About Us

“What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us. . . . For this reason the gravest question before the Church is always God himself, and the most portentous fact about any man is not what he at a given time may say or do but what he in his deep heart conceives God to be like. . . . Our real idea of God may lie buried under the rubbish of conventional religious notions and may require an intelligent and vigorous search before it is finally unearthed and exposed for what it is.  Only after an ordeal of painful self-probing are we likely to discover what we actually believe about God.”

A. W. Tozer, The Knowledge of the Holy

 

 

Our Hope Lies In This

“How astonishing is it that a person who is blessed forever and is infinitely and essentially happy should endure the greatest sufferings that ever were endured on earth!  That a person who is the supreme Lord and Judge of the world should be arraigned and should stand at the judgment seat of mortal worms and then be condemned.  That a person who is the living God and the fountain of life should be put to death.  That a person who created the world and gives life to all his creatures should be put to death by his own creatures.  That a person of infinite majesty and glory, and so the object of the love, praises and adoration of angels, should be mocked and spit upon by the vilest of men.  That a person infinitely good and who is love itself should suffer the greatest cruelty.  That person who is infinitely beloved of the Father should be put to inexpressible anguish under his own Father’s wrath.  That he who is the King of heaven, who has heaven for his throne and earth for his footstool, should be buried in the prison of the grave.  How wonderful is this!  And yet this is the way that God’s wisdom has fixed upon as the way of sinners’ salvation, as neither unsuitable nor dishonorable to Christ.”

Jonathan Edwards, “The Wisdom of God Displayed in the Way of Salvation,” in Works

 

 

Feminism and Porn: spiritual destitution of men

I just read an extremely disturbing review article in the UK’s Guardian newspaper titled “The truth about the porn industry.” It’s about a sociology professor and feminist named Gail Dines who is crusading against pornography in her new book Pornland: How Porn Has Hijacked Our Sexuality. [I have to warn readers that this article is disturbing precisely because it describes in no uncertain terms the degradation that has become common fare in today's smut industry. Please beware.]

“The book documents the recent history of porn, including the technological shifts that have made it accessible on mobile phones, videogames and laptops. According to Dines’s research the prevalence of porn means that men are becoming desensitised to it, and are therefore seeking out ever harsher, more violent and degrading images.”

On every other issue, Gail Dines and I would probably be on opposite sides, but not on this one. She argues that pornography is not an expression of sexual liberation but an instrument of degradation. Pornography corrupts everyone it touches. She writes:

“We are now bringing up a generation of boys on cruel, violent porn, and given what we know about how images affect people, this is going to have a profound influence on their sexuality, behaviour and attitudes towards women.”

She’s right about that. But there is one area in which I would respectfully disagree with Ms. Dines. She says that pornography is “the perfect propaganda piece for patriarchy.” In other words, she links the degradation of women in pornography to patriarchy. I believe Ms. Dines and other feminists err by making patriarchy (=rule of the father or male leadership) a synonym for abuse. In truth, I would argue that it is the failure of men to lead that makes women vulnerable to this kind of abuse.

Biblical patriarchy is not abusive but strives toward the protection of women and children. The biblical word for it is not patriarchy, but headship. The paradigm for this is Christ himself. The apostle Paul writes,

“³ For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body… ²⁵ Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her… ²⁸So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; ²⁹ for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, ³⁰because we are members of His body.” -Ephesians 5:23-30

The example for how a husband should treat his wife (and thus for how men should treat women in general) is Christ. Christ is head of his bride, the church. He loves her, suffers for her, and even dies for her. He cares for and protects her as he cares for and protects himself. In other words, biblical headship involves male leadership, but it also involves a self-sacrificial giving of oneself for the good of women. It protects them from exploitation and degradation because it cherishes women as fellow heirs of the grace of life (1 Peter 3:7).

Biblically speaking, this kind of selfless leadership is the special responsibility of men, and feminism calls men away from this responsibility. When you couple this abdication with feminism’s emphasis on sexual liberation, you can see how feminism as an ideology can be turned into a basis for the sexual exploitation of women. Ironically, this sad consequence is exactly what Dines chronicles in her book, even though she probably wouldn’t concede that points about feminism that I’ve made here.

In any case, the prevalence of pornography in our culture is yet another sad symptom of the spiritual destitution of men in our culture. In particular, it represents the failure of men to be the men that God has called them to be. So pray for the Lord’s mercy and the progress of the gospel in the hearts of men. And, men, let’s be the blessing that God intends for us to be to our wives, daughters, and sisters.

http://www.dennyburk.com/feminism-and-porn/

 

If I Had Known by Mary Carolyn Davies

 

If I had known the trouble you were bearing;
what griefs were in the silence of your face;
I would have been more gentle and more caring;
And tried to give you space.
I would have brought more warmth to the place,
If I had known.
If I had known what thoughts despairing drew you;
why do we never try to understand?)
I would have lent a little friendship to you.
And slipped my hand withing your hand,
And made your stay more pleasant in the land,
If I had known.

 

 

 

For the Men: Living With Our Wives In Understanding

I Peter 3:7 “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.”

Intro: Both the husband and wife can look to Christ as their example; women learn from how Christ submitted to the Father, and men learn from how Christ leads the church.

Husbands are to lead their wives as Christ leads the church:

We must lead in an understanding way

-Not in harshness or domineering. They are under our care; Jesus laid down His life for His church

We must be students of our wives

-We must be students of the Word of God

-We must spend time with our wives

-To lead them, we must KNOW them (Jesus knows our needs)

-Do you know her needs/ concerns/ fears? What are you doing to address those?

-Wives have voluntarily placed themselves under our leadership. See J.R. Miller quote here. This is a solemn responsibility for us husbands, and we must take this seriously.

-We cannot, however, relinquish our role in the home. We don’t always give in to our wives – we must have discernment (is the request Biblical?)

-Are you able to lead your wife without compromise? In matters of preference, take her counsel, and make the best decision (some arebetter than others), but be willing to admit your preference wasn’t the best.

We must remember our wives are weaker by design

-Christ is the conqueror; the church is weak

-They are weaker physically, authoritatively, emotionally

-Sometimes we don’t have a proper patience with our wives. Do we love and cherish them? How do we handle their sickness and weakness?

-Are you gentle and sensitive with your wife? Do you take opportunities to serve her as you ought?

To read in full, please go to:

http://raylwade.blogspot.com/2008/06/living-with-our-wives-in-understanding.html

 

I Shall Be Glad by Grace Noll Crowell

If I can put new hope within the heart
Of one who has lost hope,
If I can help a brother up
Some difficult long slope
That seems too steep for tired feet to go,
If I can help him climb
Into the light upon the hill’s far crest,
I shall begrudge no time
Or strength that I spend, for well I know
How great may be his need.
If I can help through any darkened hour,
I shall be glad indeed.
For I recall how often I have been
Distressed, distraught, dismayed,
And hands have reached to help, and voices called
That kept me unafraid.
If I can share this help that I have had,
God knows I shall be glad.

 

 

 

A Different Kind Of Abuse: The plight of Paul and Zabeth Bayne. « Defending. Contending.

Brothers and sisters please take a moment to read this and then stop and pray. This story about a brother and sister in Christ who live in Canada is just heartbreaking. I “met” Paul via the blogging world a while back and have come to care deeply about him and his family. I am praying as are others but the need for prayers is now even more urgent because Zabeth just gave birth to their fourth child who is now being taken from them. They will be going to court about this very soon; meanwhile, God’s people need to fall to their knees in prayer for the quick return of the Bayne children to the parents the Lord has given them.

What if it were you?

“A Surrey family that had their three children seized by the government of British Columbia in October of 2007is still desperately trying to get them back more than 26 months later. Their children were taken by the province after Child Services believed that the parents had shaken their then two-month-old baby girl, Bethany, even though those allegations now seem to be false, and government workers even advised their boys be returned as early as November of 2007.

 

The children have been in foster care ever since. The two boys who are aged five and four, respectively, and Bethany, now two, were taken by the Ministry of Child and Family Development when Paul and Zabeth Bayne were suspected of shaking their baby girl causing a head injury. The accusation is commonly known as “Shaken Baby Syndrome.” The Bayne’s insisted the injury occurred when their younger son tripped and fell on their daughter, but those pleas fell on deaf ears.

But the case has been fraught with concern about the power that government authorities have to seize children from their parents on slim evidence, and the lengthy time it has taken to restore the children to their parents again. Worse yet, evidence has surfaced which indicates the province had numerous opportunities to return their children, but for some reason did not. (Source:http://communities.canada.com/vancouversun/blogs/communityofinterest/archive/2009/12/28/a-family-in-need-of-reunification.aspx)”

To read story in full please go here:

The plight of Paul and Zabeth Bayne. « Defending. Contending..

 

 

Shockingly Powerful And Biblical Message by Paul Washer

 

Emotional Abuse: The Abuse Beneath Abuse

Abuse in the context of an intimate relationship involves a persistent pattern of behaviors. It is not simply a mistake, an isolated incident or a sudden loss of control. The husband, who engages in this style of relating, misuses his wife for selfish ends and violates her dignity and self-determination. While he may not intend to be abusive, he does intend to achieve the goal that motivates all forms of abuse: to exercise power and to control.
Physical abuse can leave bruises, break bones and cause various permanent, structurally based impairments, like hearing and memory loss. These observable signs of impact signal the need for healing, assistance, protection, and safety. In contrast, emotional abuse is characterized by invisibility and great subtlety. It leaves no obvious mark that would call attention to injury, danger or the need for intervention. Its impact, however, is insidious and Barbara W. Shaffer pervasive as it perception, cognition, identity, and the woman’s very soul. Although abuse comes in varied shapes, sizes and intensities, every form, as we will see, has an emotional component.

*Definition*
What exactly is emotional abuse? Emotional abuse is, foundationally, an attitude of entitlement and profound disrespect that discounts at every turn the inherent right of the other person to dignity, separateness and autonomy. The other person is seen, therefore, as only a contemptible object. Out of entitlement and disrespect spring the various overt behaviors that use anger, violence and/ or contempt to induce fear, guilt and shame. The other person is thereby controlled, punished, or demeaned.1 For example, one husband defended his history of spraying his anger all over his wife in various ways because of “marital privilege,” (i.e. – that’s what she was for and he had the right to do it). In addition to the blatant manifestations of emotionally abusive behaviors, there are those that are more covert and subtle, such as oppositionalism, irritability, unwillingness to be pleased by anything, indifference and refusal to engage in the relationship with good will. All of these exert power and control by negatively impacting the atmosphere of the relationship. There are no prevailing feelings of acceptance, peacefulness and safety.

*Consequences*
The effects of emotional abuse are cumulative and increase over time. The main attack is on her sense of self—who she is and what she can do. Self-esteem and self-confidence are typically worn down. She is confused about what is real and true. Is she who he says she is? Is she stupid, lazy, a failure as a wife? Can she make good decisions? Are her perceptions correct? She also engages in self-blame and turns her anger inward. There is often depression and the accompanying lack of concentration and motivation. She feels helpless, hopeless, worthless, unlovable, and very anxious. Sometimes she is angry about the injustices and displaces her anger onto others or onto God.

 

To read in full, please go to:

http://www.ecounseling.com/articles/635-emotional-abuse-the-abuse-beneath-abuse

 

A Biblical Response to Domestic Violence by Leslie Vernick

Weekly I receive frantic calls and e-mails from Christian women (and some men) who feel scared, trapped, hopeless and helpless because their most intimate relationship is abusive; verbally, physically, economically, sexually, spiritually or all of the above.  God’s word has something to say about the way we treat people and as Christian counselors we should be most competent and wise in how we handle these sensitive family issues.

Therefore, I want to give you a biblical understanding of domestic violence and steps to take to address it.

1. Abuse is always sin. The scriptures are clear. Abuse of authority or power (even legitimate God given authority) is always sin. Abusive speech and/or behavior is never an acceptable way to communicate with someone (Malachi 2:16-17; Psalm 11:5; Colossians 3:8,19).

2. Abuse is never an appropriate response to being provoked. In working with abusive individuals they often blame the other person. This can be especially tricky when trying to counsel couples. There is no perfect person and victims of abuse aren’t sinless. However, we must be very clear minded that abusive behavior and/or speech is never justified, even when provoked. People provoke us all the time but we are still responsible for our response (Ephesians 4:26; Luke 6:45)

3. Biblical headship does not entitle a husband to get his own way, make all the family decisions, or to remove his wife’s right to choose. At the heart of most domestic abuse is the sinful use of power to gain control over another individual. Biblical headship is described as sacrificial servanthood, not unlimited authority and/or power (Mark 10:42-45). Let’s not confuse terms – when a husband demands his own way or dominates over his wife, it’s not called biblical headship, its called selfishness and abuse of power. (See, for example, Deuteronomy 13; Jeremiah 23:1-4; Ezekiel 34:2-4 for God’s rebuke of the leaders of Israel for their self-centered and abusive shepherding of God’s flock).

4. Unrepentant sin always damages relationships and sometimes people. Unconfessed sin separates us from God (Isaiah 59:2-5) and from one another (Proverbs 17:9). It is unrealistic and unbiblical to believe that you can continue healthy fellowship with someone who repeatedly sins against you. We are impacted in every way (See Proverbs 1:15; 14:7; 21:28; 22:24; 1 Corinthians 15:33).

5. God’s purpose is to deliver the abused. We are to be champions of the oppressed and abused. God hates the abuse of power and the sin of injustice (Psalm 5,7,10,140; 2 Corinthians 11:20; Acts 14:5-6).

Therefore, how does a Christian respond?  Edmond Burke said, “All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.” We must not close our eyes to the sin of injustice or the abuse of power, whether it is in a home, a church, a work setting or a community or country (Micah 6:8). The apostle Paul encountered some spiritually abusive leaders and did not put up with it (2 Corinthians 11:20). We should never be passive when we encounter the sin of abuse.

However, because we too are sinners, it is tempting to react to abusive behavior with a sinful response of our own. The apostle Paul cautions us not to be overcome with evil, but to overcome evil with good (Romans 12:21).

What does that look practically? Here are some biblical guidelines that will help you empower someone to respond to the evil of domestic violence with good.

1. It is good to protect yourself from violent people. David fled King Saul when he was violent toward him. The angel of the Lord warned Joseph to flee to Egypt with Jesus because Herod was trying to kill him. Paul escaped from those who sought to stone him. We must help people to get safe and stay safe when they are in abusive relationships. This is not only good for her and her children; it is good for her abusive partner. If you are not experienced in developing a safety plan and assessing for lethality (often women are more at risk when they leave an abusive partner), refer or consult with someone who is knowledgeable in this area (Proverbs 27:12).

2. It is good to expose the abuser. Secrets are deadly, especially when there is abuse in a home. Bringing the deeds of darkness to light is the only way to get help for both the victim and the abuser. If you are working with a couple and notice that the woman defers to her husband, regularly looks to him before she answers, blames herself for all their conflicts, speak with them separately (Proverbs 29:1; Ephesians 5:11; Galatians 6:1; James 5:19-20).

3. It is good to speak the truth in love. When someone grievously sins against us and will not listen, it is good to bring the matter before the church or other authorities in order to get additional support. Biblical love is not simply turning the other cheek and putting up with mistreatment. Biblical love is action directed toward the best interests of the beloved, even when it is difficult or involves sacrifice (Ephesians 4:25; 1 Thessalonians 5:14; Hebrews 3:13)

4. It is good not to allow someone to continue to sin against you. It is not only good for the abused person to stop being a victim; it is good for the abuser to stop being a victimizer. It is it is in the abuser’s best interests to repent and to change (Matthew 18:15-17; James 5:19-20).

5. It is good to stop enabling and to let the violent person experience the consequences of his/her sinful behavior. One of life’s greatest teachers is consequences. God says what we sow, we reap (Galatians 6:7) A person who repeatedly uses violence at home does so because he gets away with it. Don’t allow that to continue (Proverbs 19:19). God has put civil authorities in place to protect victims of abuse (Romans 13:1-5)  The apostle Paul appealed to the Roman government when he was being mistreated (Acts 22:24-29). We should encourage victims to do likewise.

6. It is good to wait and see the fruits of repentance before initiating reconciliation. Sin damages relationships. Repeated sin separates people. Although we are called to unconditional forgiveness, the Bible does not teach unconditional relationship with everyone nor unconditional reconciliation with a person who continues to mistreat us.

A good example of this is Joseph (see Genesis 42-45). Although Joseph forgave his brothers, he did not initiate a reconciliation of the relationships until he saw that they had a heart change. Biblical repentance is not simply feeling sorry (2 Corinthians 7:8-12). Repentance requires a change in direction. When we put pressure on someone to reconcile a marital relationship with an abusive partner before they have seen some significant change in behavior and attitude we can put them in harms way. We have sometimes valued the sanctity of marriage over the emotional, physical, and spiritual safety of the individuals in it.

The apostle Paul encourages us to distance ourselves from other believers who are sinning and refuse correction (See 1 Corinthians 5:9-11; 2 Thessalonians 3:6,14-15). A person cannot discern whether a heart change has taken place without adequate time. Words don’t demonstrate repentance, changed behaviors over time does (Matthew 7:20; 1 Corinthians 4:20).

As Christian counselors we have the opportunity and the responsibility to be champions of peace. I encourage you to forward this blog on to other Christian leaders who may need to learn how to see domestic abuse through the lens of the Scriptures.

For more information or to read in full, please go to:

http://christianpsych.org/wp_scp/2009/10/04/a-biblical-response-to-domestic-violence/

 

Slaps, punches, ugly names: Spouse abuse in the name of the Lord by Patsy Rae Dawson

We decry the abuse of women in third world countries all in the name of religion. Yet the same degradation of women goes on in this country among many Christians, who physically, verbally, and financially abuse their wives.

So I wouldn’t be naïve when women talked to me about abuse, I went through training at the Women’s Shelter in Tacoma, Washington, one of the largest shelters in the US. The counselor said, “Even men who aren’t Christians use the Bible to justify their abuse.”

She continued, “But men claiming to be Christians can be the most violent of all. We keep secret the location for our shelter for Christian women, because their husbands are so dangerous. They claim God gives them the authority to beat their wives.”

Christians leaders often condone abuse

A Christian woman gave me the minutes of a men’s leadership meeting, also referred to as “secret counsel meetings of the men,” where they discussed her plea for them to discipline her abusive husband. Because of their mistreatment of their own wives, these men declined to censor their brother. They said:

“If my wife is out of control, then I can treat her as a child and spank her.”"If your wife is sinning, you can discipline any way you decide is necessary, including beating.”

“A man is to rule his household, and if he decides it is necessary to beat his wife, he has the authority to do so.”

“I can knock my wife out, if it would save her soul.”

While they appealed to God to defend their despicable behavior, these church leaders misquoted their proof text, which says, “that a man know how to rule his house.”

Ruling a house with slaps, kicks, punches, ugly names, and temper tantrums that would embarrass an alligator, is totally different than knowing how to rule a house. God expects true leaders to earn respect and honor from their families, instead of instilling fear and servitude.

Many religions teach spouse abuse

Many denominations openly teach their men to use authoritarian-style dominion over their wives. If a woman dares to bring up a Bible verse such as the command for husbands to love their wives as their own bodies, she is quickly labeled a “Jezebel.” Her questions and pleas for humane treatment are ignored while she is shunned.

Some churches teach their women that if the husband gets too bad, God will strike him dead like he did Nabal. Others try to appease the wives with, “He’ll answer for his decisions and treatment of you in the judgment. Your duty is to obey without question, even if he beats you.”

God doesn’t hear the prayers of abusers

While many of these abusing husbands assume God gave them the right to assault their wives, such treachery ridicules God’s love for women. He warned in I Peter 3:7:

You husbands likewise, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with a weaker vessel, since she is a woman; and grant her honor as a fellow-heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

Is it any wonder that lots of churches are dying when the prayers of their men do not reach any higher than the ceiling because of what goes on behind closed doors in their homes?

What a mockery to God when these men are allowed to lead prayers, offer communion, lead singing, teach classes, serve as elders or deacons, and even preach sermons trying to tell others how to love God and their fellowman!

While many churches shamefully excuse spouse abuse, others require these husbands to get anger-control counseling. Peer pressure is one of the most effective ways of stopping domestic violence against women.

What can a wife do?

Sadly, many churches are letting down wives by not applying God-designed discipline to wayward husbands. These wives need to remember that the same God who created the man to be the head of the home also ordained civil governments to punish evildoers.

It is just as righteous for an abused wife to call the police and file assault charges against her husband as it is for her to partake of the Lord’s Supper. When churches refuse to condemn spouse abuse, then perhaps the handcuff cure will get the attention of both abusers and church leaders.

The longer abuse continues, the more dangerous it becomes. A woman can call the national domestic violence hotline at             1-800-799-7233       to get help reviewing her circumstances and in protecting her safety.

Spouse abuse in the name of the Lord is vile blasphemy against God. Heaven forbid that any wife should think that she must submit to abuse as her duty to God and her cross to bear for Jesus. Instead, as Paul admonished, let her expose her shameful husband for what he is–disobedient to God’s word–by telling the church, and if they refuse to apply peer pressure, by calling the police.

To read more, please go to:

http://gospelthemes.com/abuseinnameoflord.htm

 

Five Basic Forms of Domestic Abuse that Adults, Teens, Children and Elderly Can Experience

(remember, this is not an exhaustive list and there are

many more forms of abuse under each category)

Verbal and Mental/Psychological Abuse: Includes name calling, demeaning in private or public, threats of harm, using intimidation, isolating from family and friends, forcing financial dependence, and controlling where the other person can go and what s/he can do, denying access to help (including 9-1-1).

Another form of mental/psychological abuse is stalking. Stalking refers to harassing or threatening behavior that is engaged in repeatedly. Such harassment can be either physical stalking or cyber stalking. Physical stalking is following someone, appearing at a person’s home, place of business or other places unexpectedly, making harassing phone calls – either leaving a message or silence on other end of the phone, leaving written messages or objects, following you, or vandalizing one’s property. If you are currently in a relationship, it can also include keeping track of your whereabouts, monitoring phone calls, hiring an investigator to track you, tracking your cell phone activity or tracking you using a GPS. Cyber stalking involves using the Internet or other electronic means to harass or to watching or track your on-line activity. NOTE: Most law enforcement agencies takes stalking very seriously, so if you are being stalked, please take it seriously and report it to the authorities. 

Physical Abuse: Includes shoving, pushing, pinching, grabbing, restraining, hitting, kicking or pulling hair. Any touch against a person’s choice. Financial abuse can also be a form of physical abuse.

Sexual Abuse: Includes forcing or coercing sexual acts, which are unwanted or declined; viewing or forcing the other to view pornography; making degrading and/or demeaning sexual comments. Sexual comments about children’s’ bodies or development.

Property and Pets: Destruction of property, which may include household objects or treasured objects, hitting or punching the walls, or abusing or killing beloved pets or giving them away.

Spiritual Abuse: Includes misuse of Scripture and Biblical teachings to justify abuse; tells her that women are less than or not as important as men, or that God does not care or that she is not a good Christian; says she is abused because she is not submissive enough (based on his definition of submission, not God’s), or that the Bible justifies abusive treatment; interferes with her ability to worship God and/or her relationship with the Lord. With children, it is also using Scripture or Biblical teachings to degrade, punish or justify cruel or excessive discipline.

If you are being victimized by abuse, it is not your fault! Only the abuser is responsible for the abusive acts. You cannot be a good enough wife or husband or girlfriend or boyfriend or daughter or son to make it stop. God cares about you and does not want you to suffer harm. If you are a person who is abusive, then you can stop. You can choose not to wield power over another person. God has all the power in the world yet He allows us to choose for ourselves.

To read in full, please go to:

http://ccada.org/abuse.aspx

 

On-line Safety For Victims Of Abuse

Passwords

1. Often when you enter passwords in an email account or other accounts, the computer will ask you if you want it to remember the password. If you are concerned that your abuser may be trying to monitor your email activity, tell your computer NOT to remember your passwords. Tell it no by making sure the check box next to the question is not checked. If your computer is remembering your password, your password is being stored somewhere in the computer where your abuser may be able to find it.
2. Choose passwords that are difficult to guess. Do not write passwords down anywhere. Create passwords using a random assortment of letters, numbers and symbols (i.e. 1fr&3jk). If you must write something down, write a hint to help you remember it, but not the password itself.

Address book

If you are concerned that your abuser may try to discover your email activity, do NOT enter sensitive information into your electronic address book. This includes email addresses of local shelters, advocates or other programs that you may have contacted for assistance. If you do maintain an electronic address book, containing the email addresses of friends and family, do NOT fill in fields such as personal address, phone number, organizational affiliation, etc.

If you are using Outlook Express or Outlook as a mail program, consider disabling the feature that automatically places the email address of someone you have replied to in your Address Book.

To read in full, please go to:

http://www.vaw.umn.edu/about/privacytips.shtml

 

Protecting Yourself on the Internet

Caution: An abuser can discover your Internet and computer activities

The safest way to find information on the Internet is to use a safer computer at your local library, trusted friend’s home, work or internet cafe.

Tips on Internet and Computer Safety

1. Do not store passwords, as it makes it extremely easy for the abuser to access information.
2. Choose passwords that are not easy to guess, such as a combination of letters and numbers. In addition, change your password often.
3. Keep all personal files on a disk and set options to require a password to access each and every file.
4. If harassing emails are received, print them out and save them as evidence.
5. Delete emails from the “Send” box (sometimes called the “Outbox”) and then also delete the email from the “Deleted Items” box.
6. Empty the “Recycle Bin” before shutting down the computer. The Recycle/Trash Bin holds all deleted files until it is manually emptied. Until it is manually emptied, the abuser will be able to see files that have been deleted, since they have not permanently left the computer. Emptying the Recycle Bin deletes all items from sight.
7. If possible, use web-based email services like Yahoo or Hotmail and you can access your mail from anywhere. Their systems are much more strictly regulated, and therefore safer than personal services such as AOL.

Tips for Surfing the Net or Using Web-Browsers

Browsers like Netscape, Internet Explorer, and AOL are designed to leave traces behind indicating where you’ve been on the Internet. If an abuser knows how to read your computer’s history or cache file (automatically saved web pages and graphics), he or she may be able to see information you have viewed recently on the Internet.

When using web-browsers, these steps can reduce the list of websites users have visited. They include erasing the memory cache, the history and the location bar list. The directions are as follows:

For Netscape Navigator

1. Click on the EDIT menu; choose PREFERENCES; choose ADVANCED; then choose CACHE. Click on both “Clear Memory Cache” and “Clear Disk Cache”. Then hit OK.
2. Click on the EDIT menu; choose PREFERENCES; then choose NAVIGATOR. A “Clear History” button will appear, then choose OK.
3. Click on the EDIT menu; choose PREFERENCES; then choose NAVIGATOR, click on the “Clear Location Bar” button the bottom of the window, then choose OK.

For Internet Explorer

1. Click on the TOOLS menu; choose INTERNET OPTIONS; then choose the GENERAL tab at the top. In the section called “Temporary Internet Files”, click on “Deleted Files” to clear your cache. On the same screen, in the section called “history”, press the CLEAR HISTORY button to erase your history list.
2. When using Internet Explorer, there is a function which will complete a partial web address automatically, giving the abuser the entire address the victim has visited. This option can be found and changed on the MS Internet Explorer page by clicking on the “VIEW” icon at the top, then “INTERNET OPTIONS” and the “ADVANCED” tab. About halfway down there is a “USE AUTOCOMPLETE” box that can be checked and unchecked by clicking on it. Make sure it is NOT checked.

For AOL

1. Version 4.0: Pull down My AOL menu; select PREFERENCE. Click on WWW icon. Then select CLEAR HISTORY.
2. Version 6.0: Pull down SETTINGS menu; select INTERNET PROPERTIES. Then select CLEAR HISTORY.

Other browsers will be slightly different, but in any case, what you need to do is reduce your CACHE (or “temporary files”) and HISTORY list. Remember that erasing these lists is not infallible; a computer expert may still be able to trace any websites that were visited. Still, these precautionary steps will help cover the user tracks and decrease the likelihood of discovery.

After you have cleared your cache, you may want to visit other sites that you think your partner would NOT object to; that way, the missing information is less likely to be noticed.

 

To read in full, please go to:

http://www.janedoe.org/safety/safety_computer.htm

 

Bible Reading Plans

I read a statistic today that said that only 10% of those folks who claim to be a Christian have actually read through God’s Word. People, this is shameful. The Word of God is meant to guide us here and judge us in the hereafter. If we don’t read it, we can’t live rightly, we cannot teach rightly, we cannot even judge truth and error rightly. The Holy Spirit works through the Scriptures that He Himself inspired in order to teach and guide us. We are hindering the work of the Spirit when we aren’t reading, learning, memorizing and meditating upon the Word of God. If you are one who has read through (and perhaps read through again and again) God’s Word then you know the blessings of it; share that blessing with others by encouraging them to do so. If you are one who has of yet not read through God’s Word, I’m not going to ask you why you haven’t, I am simply going to encourage you to do so so that you might one day be enabled to teach others and to guide them to the study of Truth.

Below are four reading plans that enable you to get through Scripture systematically. They differ from one another but all have merit. To be honest, you do not have to have a “reading plan” in order to read through Scripture and to be successful at it. I have at times used a reading plan and at others have simply read through or studied through by topic. The important thing isn’t how you read through the Word of God, only that you begin to do it (and encourage others to do so). If you think you might like to follow a reading plan, look below, peruse the sites and maybe you can find one that “speaks to you” as it were. If not, please simply get out your Bible, bow your head to pray for guidance and open it and read.

Please remember that the end result of reading through Scripture isn’t so we can say we have done so but in order that we might know God better and love Him, and His Word, more.

The first is John MacArthur’s plan. He recommends that one reads through the Old Testament once each year and then reads the New Testament repeatedly so that we gain mastery of it:

http://www.collegeignite.com/files/SimpleStepstoSolidStudy.pdf

 

The second is a reading plan which emphasizes study of the Word over the amount of the Word covered:

http://life2getherblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/Meditation.-Daily-Schedule.pdf

 

The third is a reading plan which enables you to read through the entirety of Scripture in 120 days:

http://abideradio.blogspot.com/2011/01/read-bible-in-120-days.html

 

The fourth is Professor Grant Horner’s Bible study plan which calls for reading through the Bible at the rate of 10 chapters a day, the idea being that so much reading leads one to mastery of the themes of Scripture (as Scripture is used to interpret Scripture):

http://www.4shared.com/file/84820158/92ad7a9e/professor_grant_horners_bible_reading_system.html?err=no-sess