Jesus is Truth. Nothing that is truth can in any way contradict Him. If you are an abused woman, the way your husband treats you is truth. His abuse of you isn’t your imagination; it’s real. It’s truth. God sees it; it is truth to Him, just as it is to you. Your husband’s abuse of you is sin. Your response to the abuse can either glorify God or bring Him dishonor. The truth of the abuse doesn’t justify responding to it in a way that is contradictory to the nature of God; to do so will bring dishonor God and cause you pain in the long run. No matter how your husband treats you, getting even is not allowed. God is the defender of those who put their trust in Him. Do not take it upon yourself to do what is the Lord’s job only.
Your love for your husband has been tested by his abuse of you; your love for God will be tested by your response to the abuse. God tells His children to love their enemies and to do good to those who despitefully use them. Whether abuse is physical, spiritual, emotional, financial or sexual, it is still abuse. Your response to the abuse must be one of love; that doesn’t mean that your response is to be one of complacency. Love isn’t, as some suppose, a soft emotion. True love is tough. Requiting evil with good does not ever call for you to allow yourself to be your husband’s doormat. This man has no right to abuse you in any way whatsoever.
The truth is, this man who swore before God and others to protect and defend you has instead used you for his pleasure and misused you in at least one, but possibly many, ways. Most likely, if you are reading this, his abuse of you is long-term and you are worn down from being walked on for so very long. The abuse must stop. The truth of his abuse must be met with the truth of love and love isn’t ishy-gishy. Remember that true love is tough and love grounded in God’s truth is truth and can only speak and do truth. You then must speak truth to your husband whether he wants to hear it or not; if necessary, you must speak of the truth of his abuse to others who can guide and help you. You must be willing to confront the truth of the evil of his ways with the truth of God’s holy Word.
Most men won’t want to hear it. They will refuse to see for you are threatening their status quo. It is comfortable for this man to remain secluded from the fact of his abuse for then his world can continue to revolve around himself, which is the way he likes it. By speaking truth to your husband, you are threatening his way of life. If he accepts the fact that he is an abusive man then he must also accept the fact that, to thinking, godly people, his abuse of you is unacceptable and must change. Some husbands will go so far as to acknowledge, at least in part, their problems, but then claim that, though they want to change, they can’t. They will offer every excuse under heaven for not being able to change and expect you to accept them. Rage will often follow when you refuse to.
Sometimes, then, the most loving and truthful thing that you can do is to let your husband know that, whether he admits his actions or not, whether or not he thinks he can change, his behavior is unacceptable and will not be allowed to continue. If he acts as many men act at this point, he will get angry with you and tell you that he will not bow to an ultimatum. Okay, fine. He has now set the parameters and they are his truth; as this man’s wife, his parameters are now your truth, too. The truth is, he won’t change unless he is forced by outside circumstances to see the error of his ways. Sometimes, given these circumstances, the most loving and truthful thing you can do might just be to separate from him. Leaving should always be preceded and accompanied by much prayer and time in the Word of God; if possible, it should be discussed with a godly man or woman who knows your situation and whose goal to protect you and honor the Lord. The goal of your leaving should always be your abusers repentance as well as your own safety. Reconciliation should not take place until he repents of his evil and grows in godliness.
Your job as a woman of God is to honor the Lord in all that you do. When faced with an abusive husband who refuses to change, the best way to honor God might just be to force your husband into a situation where he is face-to-face with his sin. Separation can then be a tool in the hand of the Lord to bring your husband to salvation; at any rate, it is a tool of truth to bring you to a safe and peaceful harbor in the meantime.
May God bless and keep you.