At the end of myself…at the feet of Jesus

Matthew 25: 40, And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.

Quotes On Domestic Abuse


UPDATED 9/16/13

“Gentlemen, nothing in God’s word says you are to degrade your wife, to belittle or to force her into submission to your ideas or opinions. You are to lead by presenting a godly example. Yes, you are to make decisions and they should never demean your wife. If you do you sin against her and also against God. You should never make her the blunt of jokes and always show her a proper and gentlemanly respect. A man who does put his wife down degrades himself. It shows he has no real understanding of the roles of marriage. If he does not respect his wife he will not respect other also. The result will be that he will be a poor husband and leader.” ~Cooper Abrams

“Courage doesn’t always roar; sometimes courage is that quiet voice at the end of the day that says ‘I will try again tomorrow’.” ~ unknown

“When Paul says that a husband must embrace self-sacrifice for the sake of his wife’s well-being, this of course includes her physical safety. But the main threat against which a man must protect his wife is his own sin. A friend once expressed his awakening to this truth in these words: “I used to think that if a man came into my house to attack my wife, I would certainly stand up to him. But then I came to realize that the man who enters my house and assaults my wife every day is me, through my anger, my harsh words, my complaints, and my indifference. As a Christian, I came to realize that the man I needed to kill in order to protect my wife is myself as a sinner.” ~ Richard D. Phillips, The Masculine Mandate: God’s Calling to Men (p. 87)

“Real manliness is defined by Christlike character, and not just the Gentle-Jesus-meek-and-mild-style character, but the full-orbed fruit of the Spirit rounded out with strength, courage, conviction, strong passions, manly love, and a stout-hearted willingness to oppose error and fight for the truth—even to the point of laying down your life for the truth if necessary.” ~  Phil Johnson

“As novices, we think we’re entirely responsible for the way people treat us. I have long since learned that we are responsible only for the way we treat people.” ~ Rose Wilder Lane

“The feminist movement, like every strategy of the devil, has failed on all fronts. When you make a deal with the devil, not only does he always get what you offer, but he never delivers on his side of the bargain. Feminism does not set women free from the tyranny of men. Rather, it imposes on women the tyranny of men. The truth is that “Boys protect girls” is not just a moral imperative. It is an ontological reality. That is, men will always lead women. The only question is whether that leadership will be servant leadership. The only question is whether men will lead by ordering women off to battle, or to serve men’s petty wants, whether we will send our sisters to face off with the Lady from Child Protective Services, or have them shine our shoes. Or, will we lead as Jesus led?” ~ R.C. Sproul, Jr.

“Emotional abuse is underneath all other types of abuse – the most damaging aspect of physical, sexual, mental, etc. abuse is the trauma to our hearts and souls from being betrayed by the people that we love and trust.” ~ Robert Burney

“Most people think “abuse” is just physical attacks such as hitting, punching, kicking, pulling hair, twisting limbs, pinching, slapping, biting, etc. There are many other type of abusive behavior which hurt just as much or more than physical abuse. Just because an abuser stops hitting his spouse doesn’t mean he has stopped being abusive.” ~ Brenda Branson“There are many types of emotional abuse but most is done in an attempt to control or subjugate another person. Emotional abuse is like brainwashing in that it systematically wears away at the victim’s self-confidence, sense of self, trust in her perceptions and self-concept.” ~ Beverly Engel

“Emotional abuse is any type of abuse that is not physical in nature. It can include everything from verbal abuse to the silent treatment, domination to subtle manipulation.” ~ Beverly Engel

“You have the right to your own ideas and opinions, to make your own decisions, and to have things go your way at times. Stand up for those rights.”~ Beverly Engel

“Child abuse casts a shadow the length of a lifetime.” ~ Herbert Ward

“The attacks of which I have been the object have broken the spring of life in me… People don’t realize what it feels like to be constantly insulted.”~ Edouard Manet

“men who are physically and mentally abused over an extended period, usually by a husband or other dominant male figure. Characteristics of the battered woman syndrome are helplessness, constant fear, and a perceived inability to escape.” ~From American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language, 3d ed

“Unlike other homeless women, a battered woman has been the victim of power and control. She believes she can make no decisions. She doesn’t know what her options are. To be successful, battered women need a lot of handholding in the beginning.”~Phyllis DeMott

“It is difficult enough, even in a healthy relationship, to meet another person’s expectations and still remain true to yourself and meet your own needs. But when the expectations are unreasonable, you can never win.
It is unreasonable for someone to expect that you will put everything aside in order to satisfy his or her every whim. And it is extremely unreasonable for someone to expect that you will put up with selfishness, constant demands, and ingratitude indefinitely.”~Source Unknown

“I will not allow anyone~especially the abuser~to tell me who I am!”~Source Unknown

“The love of a brother for a sister, especially a spiritual sister, is not just some official emotion, “I love you.” Real love, real manhood says, “No one is going to hurt this woman! Especially me.”~Ron Hutchcraft

“When you allow yourself to be dominated by someone else, you begin to lose respect for yourself. You become silently enraged, both at the person who is dominating you and at yourself for allowing the domination. Someone else is in control of your life, just as assuredly as if you were a slave obeying orders. Stop doing this to yourself!’~Source Unknown

“In violence we forget who we are.”~Mary McCarthy

“Reflect on how much pain you’ve suffered, and remember your abuser’s broken promises. Consider the fear you feel and how your children are being affected. Gather your courage to take action. Realize that God offers you real hope for a life free of abuse. Take stock of trustworthy people with whom you may safely share your story. Start by telling one person as soon as you can. Then reach out to others so you’re not relying just one person to meet all your needs.”~Whitney Hopler

“If you are in an emotionally abusive relationship, you have no doubt experienced “honeymoon” periods in the past when, driven by remorse, he seemed to change and everything was fine. The following will help you know that your partner is in the process of permanent change. You will feel that he consistently (every day): • Values and appreciates you—you are important to him; • Listens to you; • Shows compassion—cares how you feel, even when you disagree with him; • Respects you as an equal and doesn’t try to control you or dismiss your opinions; • Shows affection without always expecting sex; • Regulates his guilt, shame, anxiety, resentment or anger, without blaming them on you.”~Dr Steven Stosny

“The attacks of which I have been the object have broken the spring of life in me… People don’t realize what it feels like to be constantly insulted.”~Edouard Manet

“The next time the abuser tells you that the reason he is abusive towards you is something you have done, remind yourself that no one is ever responsible for another person’s actions. The next time the abuser tells you that he wouldn’t get so angry with you if you would just try harder, remind yourself of how hard you have been trying and how little effect your efforts have had on his actions. And most important, the next time you are lying in bed crying over something the abuser has said or done, remind yourself of who you were before you met him.”~Source Unknown

“Leaving an abusive partner is a very difficult thing to do. It frequently feels like you are failing, or destroying your family, or not trying to work things out, or not giving your partner “a second chance.” It hurts, and it’s scary.” ~ Blaine Nelson

“When you are with someone who is never pleased, it is time to stop trying to please him.”~Source Unknown

“Often things are as bad as they seem.”~ Sheldon Kopp

“Do not allow him~the abuser~tell you who you are or take the blame for his actions.”~Source Unknown

“You may sometimes think that you are just feeling sorry for yourself or that you are making a big deal out of nothing. But emotional abuse is a BIG deal. It is something serious.”~Source Unknown

“…those serpents! There’s no pleasing them!”~ Lewis Carroll

“You’ve given him the benefit of the doubt long enough.
Now it’s time to give yourself the benefit of the truth.”~Source Unknown

“There is no deeper wound than humiliation. The momentary glory we may feel in humiliating someone is short-lived compared to the damage we cause.”
~Irwin Katsof

“As painful as it is to admit that we are being abused, it is even more painful to come to the conclusion that the person we love is someone we cannot afford to be around.”~Source Unknown

“Sticks and stones may break my bones,
but words will make me go in a corner and cry by myself for hours.”~Eric Idle

“Real courage owns up to the fact that we face a terrifying task, admitting that we are appropriately frightened, identifying sources of help and strength outside and within ourselves, and then going ahead and doing what needs to be done.”~Dr. Alla Renne Bozarth

“…if the abuse is severe and occurring within the marriage relationship, it’s time to take bold steps and assert biblical, healthy boundaries.”~Mary J. Yerkes

“A word from the mouth is like a stone from a sling.”~Spanish Proverb

“Injuries from verbal and emotional abuse can run deep and leave lasting scars. Many emotionally and verbally abused people reason that, because there are no bruises or broken bones, their abuse must not be serious. But it is. …If pain motivates you to act against emotional and verbal abuse, then listen and act. You may be saving more than your life. “~Beth J. Lueders

“Though prevalent in our culture, verbal abuse often goes unrecognized because it leaves invisible scars. The abusers often come across as nice, even charming, people when they interact with the general public. But behind closed doors, they use cutting words to exert control over those closest to them. And they do it by sending a two-sided message: “I love you… but I don’t.”” ~Holly Hudson

“The language we use to communicate with one another is like a knife. In the hands of a careful and skilled surgeon, a knife can work to do great good. But in the hands of a careless or ignorant person, a knife can cause great harm. Exactly as it is with our words.” ~Source Unknown

“If the numbers we see in domestic violence were applied to terrorism or gang violence, the entire country would be up in arms, and it would be the lead story on the news every night.”~Rep. Mark Green

“In violence we forget who we are.”~Mary McCarthy

“An injury is much sooner forgotten than an insult.”~ Lord Chesterfield

“Police need to understand that abused women will have contact with their partners out of fear. They should not insist on proof that is impossible to provide. It’s too late for us, but it’s not too late for other women and children who are experiencing abuse.”~Marc Lanois

“Whether overt or silent, all forms of abuse are failures of compassion; he stops caring about how you feel.”~Steven Stosny

“The hallmarks of an abuser — both verbal and physical — include jealousy, a need to control, efforts to isolate their partner or relative, attempts to rush a romantic relationship and disrespect for privacy and personal boundaries. Drug and alcohol abuse are often present in the situation.”~Holly Hudson

“If someone loves you, it should feel like they love you.”~Source Unknown

“Most people think “abuse” is just physical attacks such as hitting, punching, kicking, pulling hair, twisting limbs, pinching, slapping, biting, etc. There are many other type of abusive behavior which hurt just as much or more than physical abuse. Just because an abuser stops hitting his spouse doesn’t mean he has stopped being abusive.”~Brenda Branson

“There is not such thing as only being emotionally abused – I have heard many horrifying stories of physical abuse and the most damaging aspect of the physical abuse is the emotional abuse it causes – when we say “I was only emotionally abused” it is the disease minimizing the trauma we experienced.  Emotional abuse is underneath all other types of abuse – the most damaging aspect of physical, sexual, mental, etc. abuse is the trauma to our hearts and souls from being betrayed by the people that we love and trust.  The other types of abuse can add more levels to the healing necessary but the bottom line is the emotional abuse and it’s effect on our ability to Love and trust ourselves.  In fact, being only emotionally abused can sometimes make it much harder to get in touch with our issues because it isn’t always blatant and obvious. Some of it was very subtle – some of us were abused and shamed by the way they looked at us or said our name or did not see or hear us – on a daily basis.”~Source Unknown


13 thoughts on “Quotes On Domestic Abuse

  1. Pingback: A Compelling Response to the Complementarian Manifesto and Abuse by Nate Sparks | The Wartburg Watch 2015

  2. Before anybody enters into any relationship ask yourself this question . Do you love yourself ? If you answered no I recommend you find the reason why. Simply put you are not ready to be with somebody else. Prevention is better than cure.

    • Prevention is better than cure, so true. If only abusive red flags were taught at school or church. Instead, the personality of my former abuser was very similar to the very people I admired and was accountable to in the church. Maybe we were surrounded by abusive people. Even after I left, my new pastor said he liked him very much and asked if I needed help in getting reconciled.

      In any case, we were always taught not to focus on self-love. It was always others first. So that question would never have come into it.

      Anyway, to answer that question….before one enters into an abusive relationship, the answer to that question could well be yes. By the end of the relationship, it could well be no.

  3. Ing was worst When you are abused from a child to a adult you think what r you . you never wake up from the darkness it justs surrounds you. You look for ways to end the pain however it never really go.s away.I am 42 and been physical.emotional and sexual abuse.I think out of all of them nothing is worst then the abuse from my husband. I’m struggling with ending my life just to stop him from doing it for me.abuse seems to surround me with no escape ..

    • Please don’t. If you have a church, please call someone and talk to them. You can write me at Every life is valuable. Yes, when the pain never ends, it seems as if death would be preferable. It isn’t. God can help you through the pain. He is worthy though all around you might not be. Trust in Him. Read His Word for in 1 Peter 5: 7, He proclaims that we are to “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” His love is neverending and without fail. For all that you have endured, He can provide healing and He can enable you to reach back and help others. I am so sorry for your pain. I am here. Others are here. You can call your local Women’s center. They offer housing, training, counseling, protection, safety. Please, please let me know you are alright. I’m here if you need to talk. May God be with you. I am praying for you. ~ Anna

    • Dear Micheke,
      I really feel for you hun, I’m in a similar situation but found the strength after 18 years together to tell him i’m divorcing him. He physically abused me again last September and police made him leave the house. He stayed at his mum and step dads but they also kicked him out and he came back home in January and i had no choice as he had a key. We are living separately now in the same house waiting for divorce and finances to be sorted. I’m still getting the emotional/verbal abuse. You are special to God and your life is worth something more than what you have now. You just feel let down and disappointed that the person you thought would love you treats you like this. Me too, but i know it isn’t right and it isn’t normal behaviour or healthy. Please get the courage to find help from your church or woman’s aid. Please. let me know how you’re getting on. If i can be of any support as we’re going through similar situations let me know,God can give you strength and he thinks you are so precious and he can give you a better future. We must have hope that things can get better.xx

  4. I do not agree that because you are a christian, you must be tolerant of abuse. There is no god that will be before you if you or your children are killed for this man’s crime.
    That is ridiculous.

    • Being a Christian does not mean that one must be tolerant of abuse. I am not sure how you came to that conclusion from these quotes but I am sorry you did. That wasn’t my intention. Thank you for coming by and commenting~ Anna

  5. I just realized today that I am still under that man’s spell. The fear is still raw and that’s the scariest truth I learned about myself… But does it really mean that my self worth is nothing??!! Why can’t I just truly be scared with bring me down??

    • I am so sorry for your pain and your fear. Abusive situations are so hard to get free from. Often there is a reason such as lack of money or friends or contacts that keeps one bound to their abuser. Sometimes it is just that they don’t realize that they are worthy of living free from abuse. I pray tonight that you see that, in Christ, you have much worth and that you weren’t made to be abused. If you need to talk write back and I’ll send you my e-mail address. Praying, Anna

  6. I’m sorry, I have to disagree with you, Marianne. I thought I WAS worth better (nobody had ever treated me that way before), but was quickly put in my place by counseling. Years and years of counseling with different people told me that I should stay in the marriage and in the end, I just accepted it. Many didn’t even think it was abuse. I didn’t stay because I thought I deserved it; I stayed because I thought it was the right thing for a Christian woman to do. “Come on now, you can do this – there are no options!” – my Christian psychologist. “God tells me that you have to stay, and the Holy Spirit must be obeyed” – a prophetess. “The word ‘divorce’ must never come out of your mouth” – a pastor.

    So my conclusion is this – a worldly woman may suffer abuse because she doesn’t believe she is worth anything better, but a Christian woman suffers abuse because she is obedient to the church.

    • For me it was a mixture. I was raised in abuse so I really didn’t think I deserved more. Also, though, every single Christian book I turned to, all of the Christians I besought for guidance, gave me a picture of myself consistent with what I already thought: This is the best you can have so accept it.

      Hopefully, the church will return to its long-ago understanding that abuse comes under the Pauline privilege.

  7. These quotes are so incredibly sad but very true. Those who allow themselves to suffer abuse do so because they don’t believe they are worth anything better!

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