At the end of myself…at the feet of Jesus

Matthew 25: 40, And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.

Ten Lies Enablers Tell Themselves by Cindy Burrell

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I have been where you are. I understand the confusion and chaos you live with.I have told myself all of the same things you tell yourself, the rationalizations you use to justify the insanity of an unsafe relationship.

I have also found freedom. I have discovered the truth. I want to you discover the same.

Sometimes it takes a little jolt to get us out of our dysfunctional mindset so that we can renew our strength and find the determination we need to break the cycle.

Have these thoughts crossed your mind?

Lie #1: This must be normal.

You assume that your relationship is typical of most relationships. Even though you are hurting constantly, strategizing ways to get him to hear or understand you, trying to prove you are worth loving, you tell yourself that it’s a misunderstanding, a phase or he’s just going through a hard time.

Fear, anxiety, confusion, isolation, diminishment, sarcasm, manipulation, name-calling, shame and blame are not the automatic responses of someone who is just having a bad day. Doesn’t it seem illogical for a man to attack his greatest ally, his best friend, his mate? It should, because it is.

You believe that if you try harder, the abuser will come to appreciate you. In truth, the more he abuses, the harder you try. That’s what he appreciates.

Lie #2: He’ll change.

Then why hasn’t he?

Why do you believe he will change now or at sometime in the future? Because you love him? Because you’re so patient with him? Because he doesn’t mean it? Because he’s said, “I’m so sorry. It won’t happen again”? You believe it because believing that he knows what he’s doing and he doesn’t care is too scary.

In truth, you have stayed with him in spite of the fact that he is abusing you; therefore, the message he is receiving is that you really don’t have a problem with it. You are reinforcing that what he’s doing is acceptable.

Where is the incentive for him to change? You’re doing the same things you’ve always done; why shouldn’t he?

If he wants to change, why doesn’t he?

If he won’t change, then you must.

Lie #3: I Need to Protect Him.

Abuse is nurtured and fed by your silence. Part of the abuser’s power is in your willingness to keep his secrets. Stop keeping them.

Instead of protecting him, start protecting yourself.

Lie #4: It’s My Fault.

So, you are willing to believe your actions determine the way he responds to you. You pushed his button or hit the trigger that set him off.

Do you really hold that much power over his choices or behavior? If that is so, then why don’t you have the power to keep him from abusing you?

You have no power over him, and you never will.

You do, however, have power over what you will do.

What will you do?

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