(Statistics tell us that approximately one in three women are abused at some point in their life. That means that if you yourself are not abused then surely you know someone who is.)
If a Christian woman is abused by her husband, whether the abuse is emotional, physical, spiritual or sexual, it isn’t because
she didn’t submit enough,
she hasn’t tried hard enough,
she didn’t love him enough,
she didn’t spend enough time in prayer for her husband
and for their marriage,
that she didn’t study the Word
or didn’t believe the Word
or didn’t try to obey the Word with everything within her.
If she gets to the point where she is thinking about separating from her husband, or even divorcing him, after many hours of prayer and many hours of Bible study and more tears than you could ever even begin to imagine, it doesn’t necessarily follow that
she never loved him,
she is a feminist,
that she wants to be separated or divorced,
that she doesn’t believe in biblical womanhood,
that she didn’t long for a traditional marriage,
that she didn’t try hard enough to be a good wife,
that she isn’t a good Christian.
If you should happen to meet a woman who has been abused, you will probably think that she is
Most likely this is because she is
If you have never walked in her steps, if you’ve never heard the words designed to destroy you coming from the mouth of the one who swore before God and others that he would love you forever, if you’ve never been, literally and physically backed into a corner with absolutely no way out, then you probably have absolutely no clue how
and hurt an abused woman feels.
If a woman has been beaten down, physically or emotionally, and she is brave enough to seek help,
go to her,
pray for her and with her,
and help her,
because, most likely, she has absolutely no idea what she is going to do next.
Her fear and confusion will be even more evident, more overwhelming, more devastating to her if she has children. Remember that and love her and love her children, also.
pray for them,
listen to them,
do something kind for them,
let them know that someone cares
even if their daddy doesn’t.
Emotional abuse, physical abuse, spiritual abuse and sexual abuse of wives is real and far more common than most folks realize. It happens even in what others perceive to be “Christian” families. Even if the abuse is just aimed at the wife, the children will still be injured from the fallout. Frequently, though, it isn’t just fallout that hurts them; abusers of wives often go on to become abusers of children, too. Often abuse doesn’t stop with just words even if that is where it starts. If a man will break his wife with his words, many times, he will manifest force against her somehow, someway, sometime. It just might bleed out to the children, also.
Abuse isn’t the wife’s fault. It isn’t the children’s fault. No one deserves to be hurt like this.
If you know about a case of domestic abuse, consider that perhaps God has put you here with this family and has prepared you for such a time as this. If so, you have an obligation to
to be available to her as she tries to rebuild her life
and the lives of her children,
and listen again and again,
to cry with her,
to get her and her children to safety if need be
and to help her start over.
When it is over, when she has taken the step to protect her and her children that she never dreamed that she would ever have to take, remember that
she doesn’t need condemnation, she needs assurance that she is accepted and safe with you and in her church.
Keep in mind that…
her dreams are gone, help her to dream new ones;
her life is shattered, help her to build it again;
her children need love and guidance, see yourself as part of their healing;
she herself needs a friend, be one
and always, always pray for her and for her children.