At the end of myself…at the feet of Jesus

Matthew 25: 40, And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.

The Cancer in Our Midst


Isaiah 5: 20, Woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness, who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter!

The husband forced his wife into their bedroom, stripped her, whipped her and told her she was nothing but a slave with the sole purpose of pleasing him. 

Another husband refused to work preferring to let his wife struggle to support him and their children while he stayed home all day and watched porn on the net.

Yet another forced his wife to undress in the car, perform oral sex on him and then walk into their house completely naked.

Still another was unhappy with the supper his wife served him. He showed his unhappiness by tossing the food around the kitchen, slamming the plate down on the table and then storming out of the room while his children watched. 

Each one of these is a true story and that’s awful enough. Worse, though, is that in each of these cases, the husband is a professing Christian. One of these is my story, the others are stories from godly women known to me.

Domestic abuse isn’t something out there–it’s in here in the Church. It’s the cancer in our midst. Every single day there are Christian women all across the nation who are abused by their husbands–the same men who swore before God that they would love and protect their wives are the very ones wounding, bruising and destroying them. Yet, if any of these women got up enough nerve to go to her pastor and tell him the truth about her life with her husband, the chances are very great that he would tell her that she’s dishonoring her husband by admitting to the abuse, not showing forgiveness, not being submissive enough (for if she were, her husband wouldn’t feel threatened and treat her as he is) or that her husband’s mistreatment of her isn’t as bad as she thinks it is.

I wonder what his story would be if he were somehow the one who had to live through the kinds of things described above? What if it were his mother or his daughter going through this? Would his reaction be different then?

It’s shameful to think that his reaction might be different if it were his family because pastors are meant to shepherd the sheep. The kinds of pastors who turn a blind eye to women in their congregation who are being abused, who accuse them of being the one who is sinning by daring to acknowledge the abuse, are failing as Shepherds. They’re not only failing the women and their children, they are failing the church at large. Worse, they are failing God and disobeying His holy Word.

For far too long, the abuser has had a safe place to hide in our churches while the abused has had to leave in shame. This must stop and it must stop now. The church needs pastors who will admit that abuse is real. Pastors who will call abuse sin. Pastors who aren’t afraid of stepping on toes, speaking out for the helpless and going headlong into the fray. Godly men who love God and His Word must lead this battle.

It is time for pastors to wake up to the cancer of abuse in the church and act in a way that is honoring to our Lord by taking a stand for truth, protecting the innocent and by refusing to call evil good any longer.


12 thoughts on “The Cancer in Our Midst

  1. Anna- When our church was affiliated with a large denomination about 15 years ago, we only stayed with them for one year, then departed. We wanted fellowship with other Christians and pastors and churches and we thought, from their doctrinal statement, that this would be a good match. It wasn’t. As I went to their pastors’ fellowships, I began to realize that there was no one speaking of Christ. They talked about their careers, numerical growth of their churches, and building projects. It was the world of the CEO. Finally, when we noticed a glaringly obvious deception in the re-writing of the regional church fellowship we were in, we protested. The leaders of the region (the ones with big churches who gave the most money) smiled at us and condescendingly dismissed us. We protested again, and then again. The smiles came off. They lied to us. What was deception as plain as the nose on one’s face, they denied. Then they told us it would be best if we departed from the denomination. We agreed.

    These kinds of men are the very ones who are abusing abuse victims. It is this arrogant, smiling, “I know it all and you are a lesser being” that is so often what these victims are facing. I know exactly what it is like.

    I am going to write a blog article – maybe several – on how many church leaders today, and I mean the conservative, supposedly Bible-believing church leaders, are demonstrating the very same qualities that the false prophets of the Old Testament were, and which the Pharisees of the New Testament were. I think there is a new Pharisaism going on here, with its own traditions, which are supplanting the Word of God.

    I will also add that since our church has been in fellowship with Reformed Baptist churches, we have more often than not found genuine believers and pastors. And, interestingly, most all of these churches are small and both the congregations and pastors have endured suffering for their stance for truth. I hope that we can now educate them so they have a better understanding of abuse. I do think that they desire to do right. At least in most cases.

    • I’ve seen this mentality in so many churches. When we were still members of the cofC, I remember how rare it was to hear the name of Jesus spoken during sermons/worship services. You could sit through entire services and never hear His name except at the end of the prayer. Instead of preaching Him, the church was preached, their take on various doctrines was preached (not God’s, theirs). We left and went to another denomination only to find more of the same. It was one deciding factor in our becoming Reformed. I saw truth there and also saw the desire for humility that truth leads to. Anyway, I applaud your desire to write such posts. They are desperately needed. Go for it! Blessings~

  2. Oh, how well I can relate to this message. It’s interesting to sit in a congregation and have God help you hear what isn’t being said, rather than the words coming from the pulpit, which have often been carefully chosen in order to not offend the goats while beating the sheep. I have often wondered while listening to a Pastor preach about the necessity of forgiveness, where some young girl who is sitting beside her father/step father, who is molesting her, is condemning herself for struggling to forgive the man who she knows will most likely go home and molest her again before the week is over….While the Pastor will not make any mention of the offenders need for forgiveness for the act that may have been done that would cause one to struggle with needing to forgive.

    • You make a very good point. To insist that forgiveness means that we don’t hold someone accountable for their sins is to go beyond the bounds of biblical forgiveness. Thank you for coming by. God bless you.

  3. You and your family have become very near and dear to us. I pray that God receives all glory out of your life and that He pours His love, grace and tenderness upon you. Love you guys.

    • I thank you for that prayer. You, too, know of suffering and I see firsthand how God is using your family. I pray He will always receive the glory from my life and my family’s lives and from your life and that of your family. We love y’all also. God bless you, my dear, dear friend.

  4. Yikes…my heart goes out to each one of the women in these stories.

  5. Reblogged this on The Master's Slave.

  6. You tell ’em, Anna! We’re right with you~

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