If you are a woman who is being abused by your husband, you need to know that his abuse of you isn’t your fault. You didn’t bring the abuse on yourself. You aren’t, by somehow failing to submit, asking to be abused. Your failures as a wife, however great or small, whether real or imagined by him, in no way gives your husband the right to seek to destroy your body, your mind, your heart or your being.
If you are a woman who is being abused by a man, the sin lies squarely on his shoulders and not on yours at all.
You didn’t cause the abuse by being difficult sometimes. It doesn’t matter if you somehow “slip up” in your duties at times and serve supper late, fail to pick up the dry cleaning or keep the house in a bit of a mess from time to time–none of that gives him the right to yell at you, smack you, terrorize you, castigate you, assault you, rape you, discipline you or abuse you in any way, shape, form or fashion.
Abuse of any kind is destructive. Abuse of any kind is sin. Abuse of any kind is the fault of the abuser. Abuse of any kind means the abuser is sinning not just against you but also against the Lord Who created him.
Abuse needs no excuse. Abusers need no reason to abuse. They abuse because they are abusers. They don’t think like normal people, they don’t react like normal people, they don’t respond like normal people. They think, react and respond like abusive people because that is what they are. Because of that, it doesn’t matter if you failed or if you didn’t fail, they will abuse you anyway. Abusers can be driven to abuse by anything or by nothing.
If you are being abused you have a right to protect yourself. You have a right to leave. To find a friend. Tell your story. Get to safety. You have a right to protect yourself and your children.