Not all women who live as single Moms are, in fact, single. Some have been married for a very long time but still walk alone as a mother. Sometimes this is her fault as well as her husband’s; a poor marriage is often the product of two people’s choices and selfishness. But not always. Sometimes it’s the product of one person’s choices, his or her selfishness, their unwillingness to live as the husband or wife they are meant to function as, while still desiring to continue on in the facade. The end result of a husband’s or wife’s unwillingness to submit to God in obedience often leaves the other one to walk alone while still striving to stay true to their partner and to God. It is a lonely place.
The road that single-yet-married Moms (or Dads) travel is a painful one. It’s made more painful because we often have no one with whom we can share our journey. It’s too easy to be misunderstood, to be taken for a complaining wife, a discontented woman or the instigator of the problems. Even turning to a preacher for prayer and counsel can often result in the wife being told she is open rebellion to her husband and to God. Sometimes this might be true; any wife can fail. But there are times when it isn’t. Sometimes the ache that she lives with on a daily basis is born in her husband’s harshness, his cruelty, his breaking of their vows. Often it is born out of his blatant disobedience to God, his open rebellion to Him, his refusal to act in his family’s best interest, to be the husband or father he is supposed to be. Sometimes her marriage partner is but a little boy in grown up clothes, seeing how many toys he can acquire while his family goes wanting. Sometimes her aloneness is due to her husband’s neglect. Sometimes it’s due to abuse, physical, emotional or otherwise. All abuse, any type of abuse, is still abuse. Still sin. And the ultimate cause of many women having to hold things together alone.
I don’t have any answers in this post–I have more to say later–but for today I do have some suggestions: if you as a Christian wife find yourself facing this situation, pray. Tell God of your struggles for He cares. He has told us to cast our cares upon Him for He cares for us. And He does care. He can never be faithless. He can never fail. If you will trust Him, if you will turn to Him, He will lighten your burden and give you peace for the painful road ahead. You will still have decisions that must be made and loads that must be carried but you won’t be walking that road alone anymore. If you as a non-Christian wife find yourself in this situation, the most important thing you can do right now is to submit your life to Jesus. He, unlike faithless humans, never fails. I would also say this: if someone comes to you with such a tale as this, listen to them, hear them out. Don’t assume that they are making it up, exaggerating it or simply complaining. Don’t assume that it’s her fault for speaking up rather than his fault for driving her to the point she needs to. Most of all, pray for them, believe them and act as Jesus would.
There’s more to be said–so much more–but for today know this: if this describes you, my heart aches for you and I am here praying for you. I care.
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